Your Car’s New Year’s Resolutions
This has nothing to do with your new year’s resolutions. I don’t really care that you’re trying to drop those last 5 pounds, or that you’re determined to stop procrastinating the next time you get a major assignment at your job. No, I’m your car, I have very different needs, and it’s time you stopped ignoring them. See what I have to say about 2017.
Better Fuel to Get Us Places
Gas for most drivers comes down to pennies. Who is cheaper, and how far do I have to go to get the cheaper gas? But I have to do more work if you don’t get the right gas, meaning that my engine is not going to last as long as you’d like. While I may not care too much about the pending bill from your ecstatic mechanic, I know that you do. I know that you’re avoiding the ‘good’ gas station because you think it’s just throwing money down the drain, but it’s really not.
Stop Smoking in Me
My fabric is like a trap door for odors, and it gets pretty musty up in here when you smoke. Instead of assuming that it’s totally fine because you rolled your window down, maybe slap on several patches, and wait until the next stop to break out the pack. Or just quit entirely. But that’s ultimately not my decision.
Pay Attention to Me
Quit turning up the radio every time you hear some sort of strange noise. That’s me, letting you know that you have to take me in for a service. Oil changes and maintenance visits aren’t really just helpful, friendly suggestions. Also, quit assuming that I just need to take you to the top Texas tourist attractions. Presumably, you’ll want to trade me in for something newer and younger. No, really it’s cool.
I’ve accepted it already, and I’m not bitter. But if you want to get the most cash money out of me, you’ll need to take me to a car wash, wax me and clean the interior. Not just when you list me, but on a semi-regular basis. Remember that rust comes to people who refuse to clean their cars off.
Avoid Fast Food Windows
Did you know that I have a 3-month old French fry under my driver seat? No? Didn’t think so. Eating inside of me just sets you up for some bad judgment calls. No one ever means to have spill their soda all over their dashboard. But it happens anyway. And it’s not worth the hassle. Plus, everything is sticky for days afterwards. Gross.
Take Me to the Same Mechanic
Going back to the same mechanic means that they’re more likely to understand what’s actually going on under the hood. They’ll have a feel for all of me, just like the instructors from a traffic school course know about all of my functions, rather than just the parts that you feel are necessary to look at. Overall this can save me more trips to the mechanic which means I get to spend more time with you. And I like spending time with you (you know, for the most part.) Speaking of which…
Tone Down the Singing
It’s a little embarrassing, especially when you have your windows open. I know that you love Whitney, but loving her doesn’t mean you sound like her. At all. Sometimes I have to turn up my engine noise just to avoid the high notes.
Stay On Top of My Fluids
And I don’t just mean oil. Coolant, radiator, transmission and brake fluids, even window washer fluids are necessary to keep me going. So just keep an eye on them this year.